Courageous

Before my toes lies a yearning heart, trusting eyes and a mind of unyielding depth. And all of the sudden I'm a philosopher, a referee, a psychologist, and a therapist. I'm the dreamer that sees endless potential, the teacher that inspires vivid creation, the director that fabricates scenes of wild imagination. I'm a being of incomparable zeal that explodes the realm of simple reality in which we exchange our feeble attempts at transcendence. I'm the Statue of Liberty, you are Martin Luther King Jr. We are courageous and we will change the world.

I am a bent-over heap of frustration; inadequate and stumbling at every turn. You are the pink, heart-shaped sticky-notes with scrawled quips of love and kindness that cover the wall. I am the pile of unread books, missed opportunities and dissipated dreams. You are the sequin-bedecked chiffon that lights up the room with rainbows, reflecting the most powerful source of light in our universe.

You climb the scaffolding of my visions and see beyond the horizons of my insufficient sketches. The winds of my torrential self-doubt can't tear at the banner of your confidence and you hold it high, higher than the strength of your own vibrant voice. I carry you on the sloping shoulders of my heart and trust in the changing tides until they sweep you away to the places only wings can take you.

I will remain in the aftermath of your departure, taller than I was with the bricks of your unconditional love and fervor as the foundation of my aging cavity; fuller than I was with the encompassing warmth of your irreplaceable presence.

(photo taken October 2017)

sunday photo: a sister act

 

for the sisters that don't always act like they love each other;

your endless hours of play will turn into endless hours of talking.

your incessant fighting will turn into an abundance of thought-provoking discussions.

you will hug each other, you will punch each other, you will do each others' hair, you will tease each other. you will teach each other the truth about love, forgiveness and acceptance.

you will continue to cry because of each other but you will begin to cry with each other.

 you will learn to shout at each other with your lips shut tight, but you will cheer each other on with voices louder than your most angry, toddler-intense scream.

you will tell each other your deepest pains and celebrate your most menial feats. 

you will love and embrace each other like no one else can. not even me.

you will be the best thing you have in the world.

sunday photo

it's not often daddy is home with us on sundays. today he gets to enjoy our new found traditions of a photo shoot, quiet time, reading a chapter of little house in the big woods, and watching a movie together while eating pancakes for dinner.

intermingled in there (with unnerving frequency) they will fight, argue, scream and cry. they play beautifully but they fight just has horribly. we have to capture the beautiful moments when they're there and not deny the ugly ones when they rise up. 

we gotta be real about everything after all.

another sunday photo

 scared of the ants

i'm now 30. some of me is old, some of me is new. 

and most of me is a constant rebirth of what has always been. 

i have less energy, but more passion. i have less understanding, but greater faith. 

i still pray and i still cry. but i laugh with greater freedom.

i believe with more faith, i weep with more pain, i pray with greater fervor and seek with less inhibition.

i hope to see you there.

three

her imagination runs wild. 

trains, horses and ballerinas; i'm telling you, there is nothing more a little girl could need. 

she knows how to appropriately use the phrases "don't do that, it's mean," "stop talking, mom,""i'm too busy," "no, YOU pick it up." i am OFTEN at a loss of how to win and get my way. 

she knows things i could never have known; that cows come from Colorado, the donkey's name that saw baby Jesus is named 'lyla', and jade's real name is 'jadey-lady'.

she's gorgeous, gregarious, playful, teasing, cheeky, sassy, sensitive, compassionate and all around one in a million. 

she sees me yell, laugh, and cry more than anyone else. she's my best friend. 

don't ever change baby girl. 

-mom

liza lu

ten months -
ten times the fire
ten times the tantrums
ten times the ferocity
ten times the opinions
and ten times the love.

this girl can't get enough of her mommy's lap to sit on or her shoulder to lay on; she's not going anywhere anytime soon. but she also can't get moving often enough and fiercely complains when i move her toward the car seat, stroller or crib. she is so full of humor and personality, it's all i can do but burst with explanation of her intricate workings.
and so we remain, overwhelmed by her cheeks and her vibrance which roll over us like a ton of bricks.

Liza Lu

sea blue eyes and whisps so wild
cherry lips spread wide, my bright child
round and soft you snuggle in
hearts melting under my chin

ooh ooh ooh, my Liza Lu
love is all i have for you
from above you came to lay
and heaven is not far away

laughing all the sadness gone
from my arms don't wander long
tell me your fears
i'll wipe all tears
softly

ooh ooh ooh, my Liza Lu
love is all i have for you
from above you came to lay
and heaven is here
to stay

today's shoot

i love this porch. we're lucky it's right outside and facing west, perfectly out of the direct sunlight for gorgeous photos when the girls are happy in the morning. for all these reasons, you may see this porch again. 

eliza is officially mobile. crawling forward with less and less halting movements every time she tries it. that girl has "no in between" as auntie lynn put it so appropriately. she goes from happy as a bug to angry as a hippo in zero seconds flat. her siren complaints often warn me that a large, deviously looking two and a half year old is approaching. i'm comforted to know she can hold her own. 

jade gets smarter, sassier, more funny and more grown up with every passing day. she is no longer a bundle of joy but a nebula of brain and curiosity, bursting at the seams of her own horizon. i don't think my duty is to build a safe cocoon wherein she can safely reside from the risks and perils that may beset her; my duty is to build stairs, towers and mountains that she can climb so that once on top she will see the power, wisdom and strength that is her. climb high my beautiful girl and fly your flag with pride.

eliza plays

7 months

15 pounds

she gets longer and chunkier every day. believe me, you wish you were a fly on the wall of this little life. so funny, so chatty, so ferocious; i can't recall what our life was like without her. 

the other afternoon, she wasn't crying to sleep as quickly as normal. i went in and found her sitting up, both legs stuck out of the slats of the crib (under the bumper, mind you) and hands holding to the crib edge, crocodile tears tumbling in every direction. poor little 'liza doo. 

crawling and scooting in every direction but forward. good thing she doesn't take it personally; just yells about it and promptly tries again. 

i envy the fortitude of babyhood.

big girl pants

as you can see, i've been enjoying the wonderful natural light that comes in our front room window before we descend into basement living over the summer. at least it will be summer and there will be plenty of sunshine to enjoy all day long. 

jade. 

she is a tornado of emotion and torrent of discovery. there is no task too big for her to take on yet the smallest misstep in the process is reason for head thrown back, mouth agape and the most strident whine emitting from her little body. we watch her in awe and do our best to keep her sister alive, despite the smothering play that jade instigates. 

she's discovered the one-eye-brow lift and we laugh every time it candidly comes out. this girl has got expressions coming out her ears. she enjoys an orderly existence and is often inclined to pick up her room before bedtime. i'm inclined to think it's a ploy to ward off bedtime, but what do i know about her little world. during art time today she got frustrated because i drew over one color with a different color. i gotta get this girl out more. 

5 months and not stopping

14 pounds
27 inches

she's a monster of emotions and a queen of complaining - or rather, a queen of communicating. this little one's got an agenda all of her own and isn't afraid to let me know when her big sister is crowding her space. she's got an insightful little sense of humor and laughs at daddy's jokes at the drop of a hat. she snuggles, gazes, kicks and grabs with fierce determination. welcome to the world i enjoy everyday.