5 days overdue

little eliza was just taking her sweet time. this girl must have been hanging on to constant mommy time as long as she could because it took the doc breaking my water to coax her into this world. that little gem sucks on to mommy with love and devotion night and day. at 7 months she lays her head on my chest and remains still while i stroke her marshmallow cheek. she would sleep in the crook of my arm all night if she could. where jade harbors her sensitive and intriguing little soul, eliza holds passion and zeal and is in no hurry to hide it.
these pictures were taken two days before she arrived. 7 months ago exactly. late pregnancy is so unforgettable yet it's so fleeting. not a day goes by that i don't look at our little wild child #2 and acknowledge how happy i am she is here.

photos by jared medley

32 weeks

how am i feeling, you ask? it's the third trimester; there is no need for further explanation nor inquiry. we are missing aaron every weekend and try to hold ourselves together until he returns each sunday night. he will start another semester this week overstocked with classes and puts a hefty load behind him with the end of summer term. we are grateful he works so hard and we all look forward to the end of this crucible!

the 'bun in the oven' is moving like a gymnast and i can't complain about that. jade, meanwhile, runs circles around me physically and emotionally at a rate that cannot be described and is inevitably witnessed if you come to visit. she turns two in 6 weeks, baby #2 comes in 8 (or thereabouts). her maturity is growing at high speed daily. i miss her wobbly, awkward walking and her excited babble and coos. it is replaced now with emotionally charged "no!"s and extremely articulate and rapidly repeated observations about her surrounding world. she has an amazing sense of humor, extremely passionate spirit, and a zeal for life that i pray never expires. she is everything i wish to be.

thanks to lynn medley for the amazing photo shoot.

40 Weeks

I've forgotten what it feels like to be able to bend over and pick something up off the floor.

I am pregnant in all my dreams. No matter what I'm doing.

I think women that carry to 40 weeks should be part of an elite club - like the people that climb Everest without oxygen. Many experience the journey and see the view from the top but there are few who have been through it to this extent and can truly understand.

just because

8:30pm-last night in the tv room, just finished watching a movie

m: oh wow, it's only 8:30?

you should check what movies are at the dollar theatre.

a: oh my... (we've gone at least 4 or 5 times in the last 2 weeks).

dinner for shmuck's plays at 9:30.

m: okay.

a: you really want to go?

m: yeah...i can't go to bed yet. i'm too depressed that i'm still pregnant.

a: alright, let's go.

m: (in line for the tickets) oh sad, they're sold out...maybe we could go to walmart and see if they have any good $5 movies?

a: wow, you really are desperate huh?

m: (a guilty nod).

10:30pm-back home with a handful of movies and treats and starting another movie

1230am-watching special features (cause he knows it's my favorite part of the dvd). aaron finally admits, with blood shot eyes, he can't stay up any longer.

he watches anything from avenger cartoons to chic flicks. he has the best sense of humor. what better combination to have in a spouse when all i can do is sit around and cry. he's the best husband ever.

thanks for watching movies with me last night. even though we watch movies all the time, it meant something extra last night.

love you.

ps. don't worry my love, i don't think our future pregnancy experiences will be this dramatic. thanks for humoring me this time around.

39 weeks

this picture was really taken at about 38 1/2 weeks...but who's counting at this point?

i still look puffy faced, tired, hair/makeup is a foreign concept, and aaron looks more handsome than ever. (thought I'd start adding him in the pictures so he could help out the looks in the family. i'm having a hard time carrying them all alone anymore...).

i'm wondering why my stomach still insists on stretching bigger and bigger when we're all ready for her to arrive. but I've learned long ago that my agenda is not my own anymore, and never will be.

we are excited to meet the little one, whenever it is she decides to arrive!

38 weeks

glamour shots don't exist for me any more.

they say once you have the baby you will be thinking 'get that thing back in there!' with all the crying, feeding, waking up at night, etc. but EVERYONE forgets that when you're pregnant YOU are getting up every hour in the night to pee or eat, YOU are crying incessantly over everything, and YOU are downright colicky.

at least when you have the baby there is the option of temporarily passing the baggage to your husband, sister, mother, neighbor. right now - it's all me. no relief.

so, whenever you see a very pregnant woman, DO NOT tell her that she will wish she was pregnant again once she has to deal with the baby after it's born. if it's true (that she WILL wish the baby would go back inside her) then let her realize it on her own.

c'mon people, no one wants to hear that they should be enjoying the pain and discomfort of full-term pregnancy. and especially that they'll WANT it again at any point in the future.

anyway, isn't it the thought of the beautiful newborn baby that throws people back into the insane, emotional, brainless whirlwind of pregnancy over and over again?

37 weeks

this is one of my most common pastimes as of late. another one is sitting upright and feeling just as miserable and tired but too uncomfortable to lay down.

stretch marks, multiple midnight refrigerator raids, contractions and chronic back pain are all now welcome guests in my day to day life. i walk around like i'm 95 years old. i don't remember things or conversate like i should at the young age of 25. the brain and the body are both being missed very much and i hope to welcome them home some day, even if a little battered and scarred from this little adventure.

we'll soon be welcoming our little girl home and in not too long. we can't wait to meet the cherub that we'll be borrowing from heaven. at the rate she's been moving around inside me, she'll be ready to take on the world when she gets here!

she's due september 30. now's the time to put in your guesses of when she'll arrive!

34 weeks

tears come as i start to write this post...

the pain and discomfort of pregnancy is unique to the woman; the sacrifice of body and mind is a solo journey we take into the realm of motherhood. In the beginning it's exciting and joyous. there is hope, assurance and, yes, mild discomfort. but as the experience progresses, the baby comes to life inside you. she kicks, pushes, discovers, maneuvers. your body gets a cute little round protrusion that everyone continually compliments. the excitement only increases. then your body starts to be stretched beyond what you might think is normal capacity. joints ache, your head spins, appendages swell and 'cute' is very far from your own descriptive word choice. it's easy to be distracted by your own discomfort. the selfish wish to have your energy and mental capacity returned is a common occurrence.

but as I look at this picture i am overcome by a love that fills my heart for this unborn child; above is framed the living proof of selfless sacrifice and an eternal commitment to the welfare of one of God's children. it's a blessing to be in pain, to be stressed, anxious and emotional. it is a blessing to feel incredibly inadequate for such a noble task. this is how we know our Saviour.

thank you for the picture that captures the one who really matters in all this; the baby girl that is coming to teach me about God's love.

a chuckle for your day...

if men were equally at risk from this condition - if they knew their bellies might swell as if they were suffering from end-stage cirrhosis, that they would have to go nearly a year without a stiff drink, a cigarette, or even an aspirin, that they would be subject to fainting spells and unable to fight their way onto commuter trains - then i am sure that pregnancy would be classified as a sexually transmitted disease and abortions would be no more controversial than emergency appendectomies. ~barbara ehrenreich

29 weeks

incessantly tired

monotonously hungry

frequently faint

stretched and awkward

often emotional

but oh so deeply happy and sincerely reverent

*thanks to Sarah Smylie for the photos

new baggage

for all of those who don't think i'm showing yet...

i invite you to compare the first belly with the second.

observation: 5 months! she is the size of a banana. she's moving more but still just a flutter.

please welcome our beautiful new piano. i am so grateful for the help we had to make this dream come true. and I am thoroughly enjoying being able to practice and teach in my own house!

drum roll...

for all of those who have waited so long...and apologies to those who guessed BOY-

it's a GIRL!

we are very happy and excited! the ultra-sound went well and was amazing to see her moving around and talking to herself in there. i'm beginning to feel her fluttering around in there from time to time but it's not very consistent yet. she's good at hiding.

i will try to put some pictures and maybe even the video.

until then. thank you all for being part of this exciting event!

p.s. we are welcoming any name ideas.

boy or girl?

alright folks, time to put in your guesses.

tell us what you think it will be; we find out on thursday, may 13th.

if you are correct you will forever have the wonderful feeling that you guessed right.

thanks for reading and posting!

so appealing...

i'm not sure why they choose such an appetizing image (remember I am pregnant and quite random things will all of the sudden look as though they taste really good...today the shrimp looks good. tomorrow-no promises).
a shrimp is clearly something you eat. a lime, a lemon. those just flavor your foods. they can even be considered decorations.
but a shrimp? i mean, c'mon.

next is a lemon.

i'm starting to pooch a little (all pregnant women know this is exciting because you finally feel like the whole event is somewhat real). so, I'm thinking that lemon size thing isn't too far away.

and tomorrow i might re-title this post - "so unappealing"

wow

so, for all of you who are as amazed as i am - my parasite (as katie so appropriately calls it) has now reached the incredible size of a lime!

a lime. that is not microscopic or of unimaginable proportions. go to the store, get a lime, and hold it in your hand. yes, that is my child.

we hear the heart beat tomorrow.

update

*i wanted to post this little blurb I put in our family newsletter. i apologize to you that might end up reading it twice but it came out so well i deemed it worthy to blog. thanks to my few, but much appreciated, loyal readers.

still pregnant, still sick, still in school and hopefully still passing my classes. i can't keep track of the day of the month and often the day of the week. as for the time of day, it's beyond me to know when it is or is not appropriate to sleep, eat or cry. sometimes i do all three at once! but fear not, i'll pull through - at least that's what most of the millions of women have done before me.

aaron is doing remarkably well. although at times he acts pregnant too - sleeping excessively, unable to get up for his eight o'clock class and eating weird things at weird times of the day. he is good about treating me like i'm pregnant; getting me the food i crave, renting lots of movies for me to watch, getting rid of the nasty smells in the house that make me sick, never taking my emotional constipation too seriously or my moodiness personal.

he's just right. but I knew that a long time ago. now, i'm just being reminded of that.

aaron has plans to hike the jmt this summer.
i have plans to do nothing.
it will be heaven.

my life is over

i am constantly tired and lightheaded. when I think of certain foods i get a gag reflex. however, when i smelled a bell pepper today i had to have it. my subway sandwich had to be ham, it had to be on wheat bread and had to have sweet onion sauce. i never go to subway. but apparently whatever is inside me has; it knew what to order - and it's only the size of a sesame seed.






this week it is developing a brain; one that will intrigue us the rest of our life.
next week it will develop a heart that beats twice as fast as mine; a heart that we will be a part of - the rest of our life.
the rest of our life...

welcome to the family